wow, how quickly things change

i thought i loved him, and that he loved me but boy was i wrong. He doesn t love me , he hurts me. You would think that if you truly loved someone you wouldnt want them to feel pain, but no he doesnt care. H emessages girls on myspace and tries to hook up with girls all the time. And he, he must think im oblivious to everything he does, but im not i realize it all.
I am not gonna to stand by and let him play me like that, im threw forever

i can honestly say

my life rules

my so happy right now, more than ive ever been.

and not just because of the boyfriend, but because my friends are geunuine and true, I have 5 amazing bestfriends. I love my man. My mom and i are getting along. Its honestly all good!!!!!

today

is our one month anniversary.

here is a note i wrote him on myspace and his reply:

HIM----------------- Original Message -------------From: Im Finally Fuckin PeacefuL
Date: Dec 3, 2007 4:53 PM
after readin tht baby i really feel like im loved not that i havent been i just feel it more im happy that i met u i love u more than u kno and if i had the chance 2 marry u now i would in a heart beat i kno it early and i ant tryin 2 move fast but im sure that when i look at u i see my futre wife

ME ----------------- Original Message -----------------From: DRE
Date: Dec 3, 2007 10:51 AM
Hey baby,
You asked me to write you a letter instead of telling you out loud. Which I guess makes since, because people tend to reveal more in a letter than in person. Plus i’ve always been a good writer so yeah.I guess ill start from the beginning.
I am extremely happy with you and the way our relationship is going. You make me so happy, happier than i’ve been a long time. You’re my best friend, I tell you everything, though there are probably some things you wish I would keep to myself. But I guess what I’m saying with that subject is that you’re more than just my boyfriend; you’re my best friend too. And if we were to break up id be losing one of the best friends i’ve ever had. I trust you more than I trust people i’ve known my whole life. You’re the one I know will be there for me, if I needed you. You’re the one I would call in at 3 in the morning because im feeling down and I know that you would be tired, but you would still listen. I love you, and i know you love me, and I know it may not seem like it but I do realize how hard you try to make me happy. I understand that you genuinely don’t like to tell me no.
I love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone before in my entire life. I love you with not just my heart, but my soul, body and everything in between. It so scary how much I do love you and how much faith and trust I have in you. Im so afraid of getting my heart broken, that im becoming paranoid, not because of you or anything you’ve done but because my mind just doesn’t believe that something so good could be happening. Im scared, and I guess it started recently, in a way it’s a good thing, it shows how much I care about you, and that I realize how much I do care. I know that you try to reassure me and I’d like to think of myself as one of those girls that gives the benefit of the doubt. Like this morning I am sorry I even felt the need to call you and ask you if you went to the party. But im looking for something to be wrong so that I can be like “yes im not paranoid”. I could tell that you were aggravated with the situation, and probably upset at me, at the fact that I would believe that. I don’t know why im listening to this stupid girl, when I should just have faith in you. But again im sorry.
When im with you, I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. The way you look at me brings tingles all over my body, its unreal. When we kiss and do other things Its really nice. I like it. I am finally ready to truly make love with you, not just have sex. I want to be with you like that. Im ready to be with you like that. Not just sex but more. I hope you feel the same way but I don’t know and that’s another thing that freaks me out, I don’t know how you feel about me or what you’re thinking about me, or really what’s going on in you’re head, and that really scares me. But I have faith in you and our relationship, and as long as I do, nothing or no one, including me can break us up. I love you, just doesn’t even feel like enough anymore. I wish there were more words to describe it.

So in other words,
I love you
Drea

thanksgiving

was intresting
stories to come!!!!

made me feel so low today

ive never felt that low before. okay well i have. but i swear the nerve of this boy.
my mom invited the boyfirned ot come to the movies wih us, so she could meet him. he first says yes, then 10 minutes before we come to get him he cancels on me.

i think that is so rude, and i know mom does, shes just to nice to say anything.

im so pissed right now

should i or should i not?

the boyfriend wants a Playstaion 3 for christmas
It cost about $399 or $420 with tax.
He wants it bad yeah.
but mind you i dont have a job or money

what do i do?

This weekend

Friday i invited the boyfriend over to watch TV. Yeah i know what you're thinking what teenage boy actually wants to just sit and watch TV, when he could be hooking up with his girlfriend. So that's how my night went. He would kiss me, then kiss my neck, and i was gone, i was like take me I'm all yours. But i have to say, i have amazing will power. Every time it seemed to be going to far i would stop. It kinda pissed me off, because i had told him earlier in the week i wanted to try celibacy. HA HA. So about 30 minutes before hes gonna leave, he just starts to kiss me, with kissing me hes hoping that ill get distracted and not notice hes taking my jeans off. I'm in my thong and tank top. and he pulls my thong to the side and penetrates me. By this time, I'm just like whatever, you want it, go along ahead. I swear sit there like a freaking board, i don't move. Halfway through he' s like baby you were right, i think we should wait. I say you asshole, get off me. Like who stops having sex when youre in the middle. And then he says maybe you do need matching bra an dunderware. Im like a little upset right now, becuas ei wanted our first time togther after a long time to be speical. I wanted matching bra and uunderware. and i feel like he was mocking me, and i tell him, so. Like why is he so stubborn. Gosh Darn it. ha. So after about 15 minutes he leaves, which is fine wiht me, cause im in a rotten mood. He calls me 45 minutes later, mind me his house is like 10 minutes away, to tell me that he just got home and is going to bed. So im like whatever have a great night.

The next day, i dont hear form him at all. I call him baout 3 times, once at 11, once at 4 ,a nd again at 11pm. My messages get colder and colder. Forgive me if my first though is he's dodging my calls, and he just used me last night. I felt really hurt. Because this boy has cheated on me, and hurt really badly before. I gave him heart again, and i wa sso scare dhe was gonna hurt me again. And imagine what im going through at the time. My thoughs are of coursre the worst. That no good asshole, just freaking used me for sex. I was so hurt, i think i cried for like 2 hours, and of course none of my "friends" were there for me. Big suprise? not really. Finally at like 3 the next day, when the saints game was on he decides to call me. And feeds me this excuse about how his phone feel in the toliet and how he couldnt use it. But i love him and i believe him, because i truly have put the past in the past. He hasnt given me a reason to nor believe him, and did i mention that i love him.

So thats my great weekend. Unfortunatly its back to school: the world of backstabbers and liars.

11-7-07

i would have to say is one of the best days of my enitire lifef. It when me and my exboyfriend got together agigan. I have the most amazing boyfriend ever. I love him so muchhh and people may not understand why, but to me it doesnt matter. He makes me incredibly happy. He is my bestfriend and im so blessed to have him in my life. He brings out the best of me and make me feel amazing. When i talk to him or when im with him i feel so beautiful and on top of thr world. I love you baby11-7-07. People may think its to soon for theier to be love between us, but i feel bad for them, because i know what truelove is and i understand it ,and when im with him, ive never felt better. So I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!

The Jena 6

I live in Louisiana and I'm also a junior in high school. and I'm an African American person.
I'm seriously outraged at all of this CRAP!
My mother always told me you have no control over the actions of others. I'm makes me so mad that this has gotten so much publicity.They committed a crime. 6 guys jumped 1 guy. That was wrong and unfair. They deserve to be punished for that. But going as far as calling the fight 2nd degree attempted murder or whatever else is just wrong. The hurt teen went to the hospital, got some stitches and then went to a school dance, obviously he wasn't that hurt at all. i say make them do maybe 6 months, or community service.
This should never have become a race issue, and that is what truly upsets me. Because white kids hung nooses, black kids rioted, white kids made jokes and ubsence comments, black kids jumped 1 white kid.
The black students should have just sucked it up. That was the white kids hangout place, I bet the black kids would've been mad or angry and also retaliated had the white kids say at their hangout. I'm not defending the actions of anyone, but get over it, and find a different spot, when you do stupid crap like that of course its going to cause issues. Just stop the fucking drama!

and thats all i got to say

im just really tired

but no like physically tired, I'm getting enough sleep and everything else but I'm just so tired of everything. My life, my friends, the way things are going right now. I'm not truly happy, i cant remember the last time i was really happy, its been so long. I feel like its putting a strain on me and everything else is being affected. I'm starting to feel myself slowly but surely withdraw from everything and everyone. I'm so tired of putting on a front or facade. its too timeconsuming and its sucking the life out of me. I just wish i could be complelty happy but i know thats impossible. As soon as something is going good and right, something bad has to happen. But thats life. Friends. haha. thats a word right there, Nobody understands what im going through, except maybe Brittni, and she lives oh so far away. ican't confide in anyone, because honestly i just dont feel like having to build that trust up with a person, just to have them stab you in the back. Even people you think are your freinds, really arent. They forget about you when someone or soemthing better comes along. And so ive complelty given up on trust, love, bestfriends and alll that other crapppppp. BYEEEEEEEEE