i thought i loved him, and that he loved me but boy was i wrong. He doesn t love me , he hurts me. You would think that if you truly loved someone you wouldnt want them to feel pain, but no he doesnt care. H emessages girls on myspace and tries to hook up with girls all the time. And he, he must think im oblivious to everything he does, but im not i realize it all.
I am not gonna to stand by and let him play me like that, im threw forever
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
i can honestly say
my life rules
my so happy right now, more than ive ever been.
and not just because of the boyfriend, but because my friends are geunuine and true, I have 5 amazing bestfriends. I love my man. My mom and i are getting along. Its honestly all good!!!!!
my so happy right now, more than ive ever been.
and not just because of the boyfriend, but because my friends are geunuine and true, I have 5 amazing bestfriends. I love my man. My mom and i are getting along. Its honestly all good!!!!!
today
is our one month anniversary.
here is a note i wrote him on myspace and his reply:
HIM----------------- Original Message -------------From: Im Finally Fuckin PeacefuL
Date: Dec 3, 2007 4:53 PM
after readin tht baby i really feel like im loved not that i havent been i just feel it more im happy that i met u i love u more than u kno and if i had the chance 2 marry u now i would in a heart beat i kno it early and i ant tryin 2 move fast but im sure that when i look at u i see my futre wife
ME ----------------- Original Message -----------------From: DRE
Date: Dec 3, 2007 10:51 AM
Hey baby,
You asked me to write you a letter instead of telling you out loud. Which I guess makes since, because people tend to reveal more in a letter than in person. Plus i’ve always been a good writer so yeah.I guess ill start from the beginning.
I am extremely happy with you and the way our relationship is going. You make me so happy, happier than i’ve been a long time. You’re my best friend, I tell you everything, though there are probably some things you wish I would keep to myself. But I guess what I’m saying with that subject is that you’re more than just my boyfriend; you’re my best friend too. And if we were to break up id be losing one of the best friends i’ve ever had. I trust you more than I trust people i’ve known my whole life. You’re the one I know will be there for me, if I needed you. You’re the one I would call in at 3 in the morning because im feeling down and I know that you would be tired, but you would still listen. I love you, and i know you love me, and I know it may not seem like it but I do realize how hard you try to make me happy. I understand that you genuinely don’t like to tell me no.
I love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone before in my entire life. I love you with not just my heart, but my soul, body and everything in between. It so scary how much I do love you and how much faith and trust I have in you. Im so afraid of getting my heart broken, that im becoming paranoid, not because of you or anything you’ve done but because my mind just doesn’t believe that something so good could be happening. Im scared, and I guess it started recently, in a way it’s a good thing, it shows how much I care about you, and that I realize how much I do care. I know that you try to reassure me and I’d like to think of myself as one of those girls that gives the benefit of the doubt. Like this morning I am sorry I even felt the need to call you and ask you if you went to the party. But im looking for something to be wrong so that I can be like “yes im not paranoid”. I could tell that you were aggravated with the situation, and probably upset at me, at the fact that I would believe that. I don’t know why im listening to this stupid girl, when I should just have faith in you. But again im sorry.
When im with you, I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. The way you look at me brings tingles all over my body, its unreal. When we kiss and do other things Its really nice. I like it. I am finally ready to truly make love with you, not just have sex. I want to be with you like that. Im ready to be with you like that. Not just sex but more. I hope you feel the same way but I don’t know and that’s another thing that freaks me out, I don’t know how you feel about me or what you’re thinking about me, or really what’s going on in you’re head, and that really scares me. But I have faith in you and our relationship, and as long as I do, nothing or no one, including me can break us up. I love you, just doesn’t even feel like enough anymore. I wish there were more words to describe it.
So in other words,
I love you
Drea
here is a note i wrote him on myspace and his reply:
HIM----------------- Original Message -------------From: Im Finally Fuckin PeacefuL
Date: Dec 3, 2007 4:53 PM
after readin tht baby i really feel like im loved not that i havent been i just feel it more im happy that i met u i love u more than u kno and if i had the chance 2 marry u now i would in a heart beat i kno it early and i ant tryin 2 move fast but im sure that when i look at u i see my futre wife
ME ----------------- Original Message -----------------From: DRE
Date: Dec 3, 2007 10:51 AM
Hey baby,
You asked me to write you a letter instead of telling you out loud. Which I guess makes since, because people tend to reveal more in a letter than in person. Plus i’ve always been a good writer so yeah.I guess ill start from the beginning.
I am extremely happy with you and the way our relationship is going. You make me so happy, happier than i’ve been a long time. You’re my best friend, I tell you everything, though there are probably some things you wish I would keep to myself. But I guess what I’m saying with that subject is that you’re more than just my boyfriend; you’re my best friend too. And if we were to break up id be losing one of the best friends i’ve ever had. I trust you more than I trust people i’ve known my whole life. You’re the one I know will be there for me, if I needed you. You’re the one I would call in at 3 in the morning because im feeling down and I know that you would be tired, but you would still listen. I love you, and i know you love me, and I know it may not seem like it but I do realize how hard you try to make me happy. I understand that you genuinely don’t like to tell me no.
I love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone before in my entire life. I love you with not just my heart, but my soul, body and everything in between. It so scary how much I do love you and how much faith and trust I have in you. Im so afraid of getting my heart broken, that im becoming paranoid, not because of you or anything you’ve done but because my mind just doesn’t believe that something so good could be happening. Im scared, and I guess it started recently, in a way it’s a good thing, it shows how much I care about you, and that I realize how much I do care. I know that you try to reassure me and I’d like to think of myself as one of those girls that gives the benefit of the doubt. Like this morning I am sorry I even felt the need to call you and ask you if you went to the party. But im looking for something to be wrong so that I can be like “yes im not paranoid”. I could tell that you were aggravated with the situation, and probably upset at me, at the fact that I would believe that. I don’t know why im listening to this stupid girl, when I should just have faith in you. But again im sorry.
When im with you, I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. The way you look at me brings tingles all over my body, its unreal. When we kiss and do other things Its really nice. I like it. I am finally ready to truly make love with you, not just have sex. I want to be with you like that. Im ready to be with you like that. Not just sex but more. I hope you feel the same way but I don’t know and that’s another thing that freaks me out, I don’t know how you feel about me or what you’re thinking about me, or really what’s going on in you’re head, and that really scares me. But I have faith in you and our relationship, and as long as I do, nothing or no one, including me can break us up. I love you, just doesn’t even feel like enough anymore. I wish there were more words to describe it.
So in other words,
I love you
Drea
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
made me feel so low today
ive never felt that low before. okay well i have. but i swear the nerve of this boy.
my mom invited the boyfirned ot come to the movies wih us, so she could meet him. he first says yes, then 10 minutes before we come to get him he cancels on me.
i think that is so rude, and i know mom does, shes just to nice to say anything.
im so pissed right now
my mom invited the boyfirned ot come to the movies wih us, so she could meet him. he first says yes, then 10 minutes before we come to get him he cancels on me.
i think that is so rude, and i know mom does, shes just to nice to say anything.
im so pissed right now
Thursday, November 15, 2007
should i or should i not?
the boyfriend wants a Playstaion 3 for christmas
It cost about $399 or $420 with tax.
He wants it bad yeah.
but mind you i dont have a job or money
what do i do?
It cost about $399 or $420 with tax.
He wants it bad yeah.
but mind you i dont have a job or money
what do i do?
Monday, November 12, 2007
This weekend
Friday i invited the boyfriend over to watch TV. Yeah i know what you're thinking what teenage boy actually wants to just sit and watch TV, when he could be hooking up with his girlfriend. So that's how my night went. He would kiss me, then kiss my neck, and i was gone, i was like take me I'm all yours. But i have to say, i have amazing will power. Every time it seemed to be going to far i would stop. It kinda pissed me off, because i had told him earlier in the week i wanted to try celibacy. HA HA. So about 30 minutes before hes gonna leave, he just starts to kiss me, with kissing me hes hoping that ill get distracted and not notice hes taking my jeans off. I'm in my thong and tank top. and he pulls my thong to the side and penetrates me. By this time, I'm just like whatever, you want it, go along ahead. I swear sit there like a freaking board, i don't move. Halfway through he' s like baby you were right, i think we should wait. I say you asshole, get off me. Like who stops having sex when youre in the middle. And then he says maybe you do need matching bra an dunderware. Im like a little upset right now, becuas ei wanted our first time togther after a long time to be speical. I wanted matching bra and uunderware. and i feel like he was mocking me, and i tell him, so. Like why is he so stubborn. Gosh Darn it. ha. So after about 15 minutes he leaves, which is fine wiht me, cause im in a rotten mood. He calls me 45 minutes later, mind me his house is like 10 minutes away, to tell me that he just got home and is going to bed. So im like whatever have a great night.
The next day, i dont hear form him at all. I call him baout 3 times, once at 11, once at 4 ,a nd again at 11pm. My messages get colder and colder. Forgive me if my first though is he's dodging my calls, and he just used me last night. I felt really hurt. Because this boy has cheated on me, and hurt really badly before. I gave him heart again, and i wa sso scare dhe was gonna hurt me again. And imagine what im going through at the time. My thoughs are of coursre the worst. That no good asshole, just freaking used me for sex. I was so hurt, i think i cried for like 2 hours, and of course none of my "friends" were there for me. Big suprise? not really. Finally at like 3 the next day, when the saints game was on he decides to call me. And feeds me this excuse about how his phone feel in the toliet and how he couldnt use it. But i love him and i believe him, because i truly have put the past in the past. He hasnt given me a reason to nor believe him, and did i mention that i love him.
So thats my great weekend. Unfortunatly its back to school: the world of backstabbers and liars.
11-7-07
i would have to say is one of the best days of my enitire lifef. It when me and my exboyfriend got together agigan. I have the most amazing boyfriend ever. I love him so muchhh and people may not understand why, but to me it doesnt matter. He makes me incredibly happy. He is my bestfriend and im so blessed to have him in my life. He brings out the best of me and make me feel amazing. When i talk to him or when im with him i feel so beautiful and on top of thr world. I love you baby11-7-07. People may think its to soon for theier to be love between us, but i feel bad for them, because i know what truelove is and i understand it ,and when im with him, ive never felt better. So I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Jena 6
I live in Louisiana and I'm also a junior in high school. and I'm an African American person.
I'm seriously outraged at all of this CRAP!
My mother always told me you have no control over the actions of others. I'm makes me so mad that this has gotten so much publicity.They committed a crime. 6 guys jumped 1 guy. That was wrong and unfair. They deserve to be punished for that. But going as far as calling the fight 2nd degree attempted murder or whatever else is just wrong. The hurt teen went to the hospital, got some stitches and then went to a school dance, obviously he wasn't that hurt at all. i say make them do maybe 6 months, or community service.
This should never have become a race issue, and that is what truly upsets me. Because white kids hung nooses, black kids rioted, white kids made jokes and ubsence comments, black kids jumped 1 white kid.
The black students should have just sucked it up. That was the white kids hangout place, I bet the black kids would've been mad or angry and also retaliated had the white kids say at their hangout. I'm not defending the actions of anyone, but get over it, and find a different spot, when you do stupid crap like that of course its going to cause issues. Just stop the fucking drama!
and thats all i got to say
I'm seriously outraged at all of this CRAP!
My mother always told me you have no control over the actions of others. I'm makes me so mad that this has gotten so much publicity.They committed a crime. 6 guys jumped 1 guy. That was wrong and unfair. They deserve to be punished for that. But going as far as calling the fight 2nd degree attempted murder or whatever else is just wrong. The hurt teen went to the hospital, got some stitches and then went to a school dance, obviously he wasn't that hurt at all. i say make them do maybe 6 months, or community service.
This should never have become a race issue, and that is what truly upsets me. Because white kids hung nooses, black kids rioted, white kids made jokes and ubsence comments, black kids jumped 1 white kid.
The black students should have just sucked it up. That was the white kids hangout place, I bet the black kids would've been mad or angry and also retaliated had the white kids say at their hangout. I'm not defending the actions of anyone, but get over it, and find a different spot, when you do stupid crap like that of course its going to cause issues. Just stop the fucking drama!
and thats all i got to say
Monday, September 10, 2007
im just really tired
but no like physically tired, I'm getting enough sleep and everything else but I'm just so tired of everything. My life, my friends, the way things are going right now. I'm not truly happy, i cant remember the last time i was really happy, its been so long. I feel like its putting a strain on me and everything else is being affected. I'm starting to feel myself slowly but surely withdraw from everything and everyone. I'm so tired of putting on a front or facade. its too timeconsuming and its sucking the life out of me. I just wish i could be complelty happy but i know thats impossible. As soon as something is going good and right, something bad has to happen. But thats life. Friends. haha. thats a word right there, Nobody understands what im going through, except maybe Brittni, and she lives oh so far away. ican't confide in anyone, because honestly i just dont feel like having to build that trust up with a person, just to have them stab you in the back. Even people you think are your freinds, really arent. They forget about you when someone or soemthing better comes along. And so ive complelty given up on trust, love, bestfriends and alll that other crapppppp. BYEEEEEEEEE
Saturday, September 8, 2007
My new journey
In may of 08 im going o try out for the varsity cheerleading team, and vollyball team.
But i need to lose weight, and its not juts because of how i look, but how i feel when i look in my mirror, i want to change the person i see looking back at me. I dont feel good about my appreance, everything else i love about myself. But yes, im gonna be losing weight (trying), taking tumbling and cheer lessons, and running!!! But i need your help
i really dont know how to like actually lose weight a healthy wayy. any of you been in my postion. Lost the weight and kept it of? Give me ideas. Please and Thanks
But i need to lose weight, and its not juts because of how i look, but how i feel when i look in my mirror, i want to change the person i see looking back at me. I dont feel good about my appreance, everything else i love about myself. But yes, im gonna be losing weight (trying), taking tumbling and cheer lessons, and running!!! But i need your help
i really dont know how to like actually lose weight a healthy wayy. any of you been in my postion. Lost the weight and kept it of? Give me ideas. Please and Thanks
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Quotes i stole from my friend Justine
in three words i could sum upeverything i learned about life:
it goes on everything i learned about love:it doesnt last and
everything i learned about people:they change fast
did you know that she has seven kinds of smiles?
one when something really makes her laugh ;
one when shes making plans ;
one when shes laughing just out of politness;
one when shes uncomfortable ;
one when shes making fun of herself ;
one when shes having fun with her friends;
&& one when shes thinking about you.
i keep telling myself i can't like this guy.
but i see your gorgeous eyes and
i'm not going to lie. i can't get over this guy.
Whoever said, "You don't know what you have until it's gone" is wrong,
because you know exactly what you have when you have it,
you just don't know how much you need it until you can't have it anymore.
Do you have that one person
that makes you wonder 'what if'?
She lies awake in her bed,
Thinking of every little time
he glanced at her...
You're the one who broke my heart,
You're the reason my world fell apart,
You're the one who made me cry,
& I still wanna love you,
but I don'tknow why...
Just because he doesnt answer
doesnt mean he doesn't care
some of Gods greatest gifts
are unanswered prayers.
When you fall on somebody, its not enough
to say you didnt mean to; after all, he probably
didnt mean to be beneath you.
You know me too well. When I said I didnt love you,
you looked at me & said, "Bullshit, youre just running away.
"People change. Even the person you thought you knew the most changes.
& even though it hurts to see them go, you have to move on,
for the sweet memories are all you have,
& things might never be the same.
Messing up his life isnt the best revenge.
Its getting on with yours
& living it to the fullest that kills him.
Its funny how you can grow away from your friends,
when just a few years ago they were the most important
people in your life.
Im not going anywhere.
This is it for me. Youre it for me.
& I cant pretend to feel any less than I do.
Im sorry ;; I just cant. [ Gilmore Girls ]
I never knew until that moment,
what it was like to lose something
I never really had.[ The Wonder Years ]
Cause once upon a time we were best friends..
& yes theres been a lot of bad stuff in between,
but none of that matters right now ;;
you need me,im there any time, any place, any where.
The process of letting go isnt easy ;
but its part of growing up..
I cant be the best person in this world but I can be me,
I may not be the sweetest but I can be as I can be,
I may not be the one for you, but Ill always be there for you
Everything gets better in the end,
if it's not better, it's not the end.
I'm ready to be the girl I used to be.
The one who never cried,
never got mad about dumb things,
& the one girl who would never
worry about being in love.
i want a guy that will make me happy
someone that will make me smile when i hear his voice
someone thatll love me unconditionally
i want someone that'll have my friends
saying to one another,"shes happy again"
If you can go to being 'just friends' after dating someone,
you were really only friends from the start.
It's okay if you can't do it.
It means you actually felt something for them.
i'm a mess and my room usually is too.
i laugh at the stupidest things and
i'm known for saying the wrong things at the wrong time
and sometimes i cry for no reason and yeah
i get jealous sometimes but that's who i am -
take it or leave it
take a chance you never know how
absolutely perfect it can be.
it goes on everything i learned about love:it doesnt last and
everything i learned about people:they change fast
did you know that she has seven kinds of smiles?
one when something really makes her laugh ;
one when shes making plans ;
one when shes laughing just out of politness;
one when shes uncomfortable ;
one when shes making fun of herself ;
one when shes having fun with her friends;
&& one when shes thinking about you.
i keep telling myself i can't like this guy.
but i see your gorgeous eyes and
i'm not going to lie. i can't get over this guy.
Whoever said, "You don't know what you have until it's gone" is wrong,
because you know exactly what you have when you have it,
you just don't know how much you need it until you can't have it anymore.
Do you have that one person
that makes you wonder 'what if'?
She lies awake in her bed,
Thinking of every little time
he glanced at her...
You're the one who broke my heart,
You're the reason my world fell apart,
You're the one who made me cry,
& I still wanna love you,
but I don'tknow why...
Just because he doesnt answer
doesnt mean he doesn't care
some of Gods greatest gifts
are unanswered prayers.
When you fall on somebody, its not enough
to say you didnt mean to; after all, he probably
didnt mean to be beneath you.
You know me too well. When I said I didnt love you,
you looked at me & said, "Bullshit, youre just running away.
"People change. Even the person you thought you knew the most changes.
& even though it hurts to see them go, you have to move on,
for the sweet memories are all you have,
& things might never be the same.
Messing up his life isnt the best revenge.
Its getting on with yours
& living it to the fullest that kills him.
Its funny how you can grow away from your friends,
when just a few years ago they were the most important
people in your life.
Im not going anywhere.
This is it for me. Youre it for me.
& I cant pretend to feel any less than I do.
Im sorry ;; I just cant. [ Gilmore Girls ]
I never knew until that moment,
what it was like to lose something
I never really had.[ The Wonder Years ]
Cause once upon a time we were best friends..
& yes theres been a lot of bad stuff in between,
but none of that matters right now ;;
you need me,im there any time, any place, any where.
The process of letting go isnt easy ;
but its part of growing up..
I cant be the best person in this world but I can be me,
I may not be the sweetest but I can be as I can be,
I may not be the one for you, but Ill always be there for you
Everything gets better in the end,
if it's not better, it's not the end.
I'm ready to be the girl I used to be.
The one who never cried,
never got mad about dumb things,
& the one girl who would never
worry about being in love.
i want a guy that will make me happy
someone that will make me smile when i hear his voice
someone thatll love me unconditionally
i want someone that'll have my friends
saying to one another,"shes happy again"
If you can go to being 'just friends' after dating someone,
you were really only friends from the start.
It's okay if you can't do it.
It means you actually felt something for them.
i'm a mess and my room usually is too.
i laugh at the stupidest things and
i'm known for saying the wrong things at the wrong time
and sometimes i cry for no reason and yeah
i get jealous sometimes but that's who i am -
take it or leave it
take a chance you never know how
absolutely perfect it can be.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
well
today was um diffrent,
hung out with my mom all day, it was oddly nice. its been so long since we've done anything just the too of us. I realized how much i missed her. Even though i get mad at her sometimes, i still love her wiht everything i have in me.
We got a manicure and pedicure in the morning. Then we went to Las Palmas for lunch. And we talked, had an actual convo. I told he rhow i'd been feeling about how much she's working. And i how i feel like im raising my sister. And just how i wish i could go party with my friends. And she told me how me she appreciates everything i do, and it just felt good to be able to connect after so long. We bonded over tacos and margaritas. A virgin one for me.
Then we went to the mall, and got me some new clothes. I was in dire need of some. Then we stopped for chinese on the way homee.
be back later
hung out with my mom all day, it was oddly nice. its been so long since we've done anything just the too of us. I realized how much i missed her. Even though i get mad at her sometimes, i still love her wiht everything i have in me.
We got a manicure and pedicure in the morning. Then we went to Las Palmas for lunch. And we talked, had an actual convo. I told he rhow i'd been feeling about how much she's working. And i how i feel like im raising my sister. And just how i wish i could go party with my friends. And she told me how me she appreciates everything i do, and it just felt good to be able to connect after so long. We bonded over tacos and margaritas. A virgin one for me.
Then we went to the mall, and got me some new clothes. I was in dire need of some. Then we stopped for chinese on the way homee.
be back later
Well, I posted this on my Myspace page
Yesterday,
I realized I was at point in my life that I didn't want to be. It's mostly my own fault I was there. I let others determine my happiness level, I let things my "friends" do determine how im going to be for the rest of the day. I depend on my "friends" to be there for me, when I need it. I realized yesterday, when I was in my room crying, that I can't do that anymore. People let you down, stab you in the back. It's also usually the people closest to you that are holding the knife. I do thank GOD though that I have person I can fully trust with my back, and she knows who she is, she has been there with me since 6th grade. We've been through so much together its unbelievable. She has been there for me through everything.
She is an example of what a Best Friend is. And I started to realize that I throw that privilege out way too much. Once I consider you my best friend, I would do anything for you, anything. Unless it something really, really wrong then ill tell your dumb ass no. But last night I realized that people have different expectations as to what a best friend is. Because I know if one of my best friends needed to talk for 15 minutes then I would be there. But that's just the type of friend I am.
All I wanted was 15 minutes; I needed a talk from anyone I cared about, or anyone who cared about me. I had to face something I wasn't ready to. the guy who raped me. I ha dto testify. But Tayla was there, she went with me, to face it. I just needed to talk over the phone, but she dropped everything she was doing, came over and just gave me a hug. In that hug was love, from one best friend to another. I needed that. She gave me a pep talk, and we left my house, I was feeling so strong and on top of the world.
Last night, was well not my best moment. And that's an understatement. I considered doing things I hadn't in like a year and a half. That was when I probably hit rock bottom and realized that oh hell no, I can't let others determine my feelings. It was like whoa. A light bulb going off in my head. So from now on, im not going to let the people close to me make me feel bad ever again.
I do what I can, I apologize when I should, and I admit im wrong. That's as much as I can humanly do. If that's not enough oh well, im through being a doormat, and letting shit happen. Im sensitive, I have feelings. I may be a bitch, but im a bitch with feelings. Things others wouldn't care about, I do. My name not being on a list, my picture being moved down, not getting a phone call, or being returned a message. Simple stuff like that. I used to let it hurt me. But not anymore. Im done
Well thanks for reading. I love you.
Drea
I realized I was at point in my life that I didn't want to be. It's mostly my own fault I was there. I let others determine my happiness level, I let things my "friends" do determine how im going to be for the rest of the day. I depend on my "friends" to be there for me, when I need it. I realized yesterday, when I was in my room crying, that I can't do that anymore. People let you down, stab you in the back. It's also usually the people closest to you that are holding the knife. I do thank GOD though that I have person I can fully trust with my back, and she knows who she is, she has been there with me since 6th grade. We've been through so much together its unbelievable. She has been there for me through everything.
She is an example of what a Best Friend is. And I started to realize that I throw that privilege out way too much. Once I consider you my best friend, I would do anything for you, anything. Unless it something really, really wrong then ill tell your dumb ass no. But last night I realized that people have different expectations as to what a best friend is. Because I know if one of my best friends needed to talk for 15 minutes then I would be there. But that's just the type of friend I am.
All I wanted was 15 minutes; I needed a talk from anyone I cared about, or anyone who cared about me. I had to face something I wasn't ready to. the guy who raped me. I ha dto testify. But Tayla was there, she went with me, to face it. I just needed to talk over the phone, but she dropped everything she was doing, came over and just gave me a hug. In that hug was love, from one best friend to another. I needed that. She gave me a pep talk, and we left my house, I was feeling so strong and on top of the world.
Last night, was well not my best moment. And that's an understatement. I considered doing things I hadn't in like a year and a half. That was when I probably hit rock bottom and realized that oh hell no, I can't let others determine my feelings. It was like whoa. A light bulb going off in my head. So from now on, im not going to let the people close to me make me feel bad ever again.
I do what I can, I apologize when I should, and I admit im wrong. That's as much as I can humanly do. If that's not enough oh well, im through being a doormat, and letting shit happen. Im sensitive, I have feelings. I may be a bitch, but im a bitch with feelings. Things others wouldn't care about, I do. My name not being on a list, my picture being moved down, not getting a phone call, or being returned a message. Simple stuff like that. I used to let it hurt me. But not anymore. Im done
Well thanks for reading. I love you.
Drea
Monday, June 18, 2007
weekend remix
And top of all that suckiness
i had to see the guy i loved with all of my heart, with his new girlfriend. That was just the cherry on top of the sundae. You have no idea, how much that hurt. That boy was my everything, i loved him. Like i have never loved anyone as much as i loved him. I gave that boy my virginity. But i ruined it, i lied from the very beginning about something so small. I didnt know our friendship would turn into a romantic relationship. I didnt know that lie would come back and kick me in the ass. I lied about my age. When he asked, i said how old do you think i am? He replied 15? and i agreed with him. But i was 14. My birthday was gonna take place during the summer in july, so he thought it was okay since i'd be turning 16. He was 16 turning 17. He was amazing, he made me feel accepted, when i was the outsider. At the camp i was attending everybody had known each other for years, and here i was the new girl. But he befriended me, and i got alot of rap for it. People just couldnt understand why he would want me, why he liked me. But i knew why, we just clicked from the moment we looked at each other. I knew that was the boy i wanted to be with, the one i wanted in my life. Our relationship was amazing. We had the type of relationship where no words had to be spoken, but we knew exaclty what the other was thinking. But people just couldnt accept that we were happy and in love. They had to ruin it. Well i guess we kinda did, campers, and counselors arent allowed to have outside relationships. Someone told on us, and it was either i leave or he leave. And he needed the job, so i left. While i was gone, so many lies were planted in his head, but he didnt believe any of them, until the age lie came back. He started to piece the parts together and realized i had lied to him. And of course he broke up with me. But unfortunately for me that wasnt the last time we would see each other. I had paid to go on a 8 day trip to chicago and so had he. and guess who's birthday was during that trip? mineee. On the night of my birthday we got to go to this teen club, and i guess to hurt me, he danced with every single girl he knew hated me. And he succeded and hurting me, i cryed for like a good 30 minutes. but then i realized that 2 could play that game. I decided you know what it was my birthday, i was gonna have a great time. So i started partying it up and drinking a bit too much. By the end of the night i had, had way to much to drink and i could barley walk. Guess who was my prince charming. He picked me up and carried me the entire way back to the hotel. Tucked me into my bed, and slept on the chair in my room, to make sure i was okay. He does those kind of wonderful things for me, even after all the pain i caused him. All the hurt i brought to him. The next morning, he told me he forgave me and that he loved me, and that he always would, that he would have dated me even if i was 14 turning 15. That morning i gave him my virginity. It was the most amazing experince i had ever had in my short life. It was something we did in love. But i knew it was a goodbye kind of thing. I knew it was like the end of part of my life, and the beginning od another. The next day we left and came back home. I havent talked to him in about a year, unless you count the occasional myspace message asking him how's he doing or vice versa.So seeing him on sunday night at walmart it just kinda threw me for a loop, but seeing that he wasnt alone, that was the hard part. To have to act that i no longer had any feelings for him was really hard. Those few minutes we caught up, were the longest in my life. But the hug when we parted brought back all those memories, i felt a spark, and i think he did also, because he asked for my number, and said we should get together soon. But it hurt none the less. I just had to share this with someone.
i had to see the guy i loved with all of my heart, with his new girlfriend. That was just the cherry on top of the sundae. You have no idea, how much that hurt. That boy was my everything, i loved him. Like i have never loved anyone as much as i loved him. I gave that boy my virginity. But i ruined it, i lied from the very beginning about something so small. I didnt know our friendship would turn into a romantic relationship. I didnt know that lie would come back and kick me in the ass. I lied about my age. When he asked, i said how old do you think i am? He replied 15? and i agreed with him. But i was 14. My birthday was gonna take place during the summer in july, so he thought it was okay since i'd be turning 16. He was 16 turning 17. He was amazing, he made me feel accepted, when i was the outsider. At the camp i was attending everybody had known each other for years, and here i was the new girl. But he befriended me, and i got alot of rap for it. People just couldnt understand why he would want me, why he liked me. But i knew why, we just clicked from the moment we looked at each other. I knew that was the boy i wanted to be with, the one i wanted in my life. Our relationship was amazing. We had the type of relationship where no words had to be spoken, but we knew exaclty what the other was thinking. But people just couldnt accept that we were happy and in love. They had to ruin it. Well i guess we kinda did, campers, and counselors arent allowed to have outside relationships. Someone told on us, and it was either i leave or he leave. And he needed the job, so i left. While i was gone, so many lies were planted in his head, but he didnt believe any of them, until the age lie came back. He started to piece the parts together and realized i had lied to him. And of course he broke up with me. But unfortunately for me that wasnt the last time we would see each other. I had paid to go on a 8 day trip to chicago and so had he. and guess who's birthday was during that trip? mineee. On the night of my birthday we got to go to this teen club, and i guess to hurt me, he danced with every single girl he knew hated me. And he succeded and hurting me, i cryed for like a good 30 minutes. but then i realized that 2 could play that game. I decided you know what it was my birthday, i was gonna have a great time. So i started partying it up and drinking a bit too much. By the end of the night i had, had way to much to drink and i could barley walk. Guess who was my prince charming. He picked me up and carried me the entire way back to the hotel. Tucked me into my bed, and slept on the chair in my room, to make sure i was okay. He does those kind of wonderful things for me, even after all the pain i caused him. All the hurt i brought to him. The next morning, he told me he forgave me and that he loved me, and that he always would, that he would have dated me even if i was 14 turning 15. That morning i gave him my virginity. It was the most amazing experince i had ever had in my short life. It was something we did in love. But i knew it was a goodbye kind of thing. I knew it was like the end of part of my life, and the beginning od another. The next day we left and came back home. I havent talked to him in about a year, unless you count the occasional myspace message asking him how's he doing or vice versa.So seeing him on sunday night at walmart it just kinda threw me for a loop, but seeing that he wasnt alone, that was the hard part. To have to act that i no longer had any feelings for him was really hard. Those few minutes we caught up, were the longest in my life. But the hug when we parted brought back all those memories, i felt a spark, and i think he did also, because he asked for my number, and said we should get together soon. But it hurt none the less. I just had to share this with someone.
Hope your weekend was better than mine
This weekend totally sucked. Lemme start from the beginning.
Friday night i had plans with one of my best friends Kathy. I really needed to be with a good friend, plus i totally missed her. I got to her house around 11:30, I was supposed to get there at 8:30, but my mom was in one of her bitchy moods, and she decided we were going to stop by Wal-Mart for like 2 freaking hours.
By the time i got to Kathy's we couldn't even do anything. We had planned on getting all dressed up and just taking pictures, and then having a total girls night, facial mask, nails, hair and all. With movies and pizza, and chocolate. But we still had an amazing time. We ate like a whole thing of whip cream, and made brownies and cinnamon rolls, and i ate like a pint of cookies and cream. I stayed up until like 4:30 in the morning, but i just couldn't keep my eyes closed, i snuck into Kathy's room and fell asleep. Hahaha, I'm such a bad friend, i just left her in the living room, but it was so funny, to talk about in the morning. My mom came and picked me up at like 7:30 Saturday morning little did i know that would be the last time i actually had a good time this weekend.'
My mom and sister were total bitches. I didn't even get to see my dad on Father's day, i didn't get to see my older step-sister because my mom wouldn't answer her phone so i could ask. So for the rest of the weekend I couldn't do a damn thing.
be back on later with the reason why my weekend really sucked
Friday night i had plans with one of my best friends Kathy. I really needed to be with a good friend, plus i totally missed her. I got to her house around 11:30, I was supposed to get there at 8:30, but my mom was in one of her bitchy moods, and she decided we were going to stop by Wal-Mart for like 2 freaking hours.
By the time i got to Kathy's we couldn't even do anything. We had planned on getting all dressed up and just taking pictures, and then having a total girls night, facial mask, nails, hair and all. With movies and pizza, and chocolate. But we still had an amazing time. We ate like a whole thing of whip cream, and made brownies and cinnamon rolls, and i ate like a pint of cookies and cream. I stayed up until like 4:30 in the morning, but i just couldn't keep my eyes closed, i snuck into Kathy's room and fell asleep. Hahaha, I'm such a bad friend, i just left her in the living room, but it was so funny, to talk about in the morning. My mom came and picked me up at like 7:30 Saturday morning little did i know that would be the last time i actually had a good time this weekend.'
My mom and sister were total bitches. I didn't even get to see my dad on Father's day, i didn't get to see my older step-sister because my mom wouldn't answer her phone so i could ask. So for the rest of the weekend I couldn't do a damn thing.
be back on later with the reason why my weekend really sucked
Sunday, June 17, 2007
To Every Girl
To every girl that has been CHEATED on, because she's NOT a SLUT who gives it up to any guy.
To every girl that dresses CUTE not SKANKY.
To every girl who wants to be called BEAUTIFUL ...not HOT
To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for YOU.
To every girl who gets her heart BROKEN, because he chose that stupid BITCH instead.
To every girl that would DIE to have a DECENT boyfriend.
To every girl who would JUST ONCE like to be treated like a PRINCESS!!
To every girl that cries at night because of another HEARTBREAK
To every girl that won't get down on her knees && open her mouth just to get a BOYFRIEND
To every girl that just wants to HOLD HANDS
To every girl that kisses him with meaning.
To every girl who just wishes he CARED MORE
To every girl who would JUST ONCE want a guy to give their JACKET UP when they are cold.
To every girl who just wants him to call.
To every girl who lies awake at night THINKING about HIM
To every girl that just wants to cuddle.
To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without HAVING SEX
TO EVERY GIRL WHO SHOWS HOW MUCH SHE CARES AND GETS NOTHING BACK..
To every girl that thought "maybe this one could be the one."
To every girl who made a mistake and lies awake at night praying to god he will take-her-back.
To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually >>doesn't<< think it is funny.
To every girl who is just looking for that one and only. and is having a rough time along the way.
To every girl that DOESN'T WANT a guy who JUST PLAYS WITH HER EMOTIONS but actually cares about how she feels.
To every girl who wants words backed up with actions.
To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.
To every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face.
To every girl that has faith that "tomorrow will be a better day." And it will be.
*If you are a nice girl repost this as: "To every girl."
*If you are a guy that thinks every girl should try to think about even a few of these things repost it as "I'm looking for this girl" or if u have this girl repost this as "I have this girl
To every girl that dresses CUTE not SKANKY.
To every girl who wants to be called BEAUTIFUL ...not HOT
To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for YOU.
To every girl who gets her heart BROKEN, because he chose that stupid BITCH instead.
To every girl that would DIE to have a DECENT boyfriend.
To every girl who would JUST ONCE like to be treated like a PRINCESS!!
To every girl that cries at night because of another HEARTBREAK
To every girl that won't get down on her knees && open her mouth just to get a BOYFRIEND
To every girl that just wants to HOLD HANDS
To every girl that kisses him with meaning.
To every girl who just wishes he CARED MORE
To every girl who would JUST ONCE want a guy to give their JACKET UP when they are cold.
To every girl who just wants him to call.
To every girl who lies awake at night THINKING about HIM
To every girl that just wants to cuddle.
To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without HAVING SEX
TO EVERY GIRL WHO SHOWS HOW MUCH SHE CARES AND GETS NOTHING BACK..
To every girl that thought "maybe this one could be the one."
To every girl who made a mistake and lies awake at night praying to god he will take-her-back.
To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually >>doesn't<< think it is funny.
To every girl who is just looking for that one and only. and is having a rough time along the way.
To every girl that DOESN'T WANT a guy who JUST PLAYS WITH HER EMOTIONS but actually cares about how she feels.
To every girl who wants words backed up with actions.
To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.
To every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face.
To every girl that has faith that "tomorrow will be a better day." And it will be.
*If you are a nice girl repost this as: "To every girl."
*If you are a guy that thinks every girl should try to think about even a few of these things repost it as "I'm looking for this girl" or if u have this girl repost this as "I have this girl
this weekend sucked
dont feel like typing right now, be back on later.
ice cream is sounding really good
ice cream is sounding really good
Saturday, June 16, 2007
When i am i gonna meet that one guy, that'll give me hope
that not all guys are dogs.
I don't want to meet my soulmate, or even my prince charming. I just want to meet that one guy that will show me that it is worth it to put myself out there. I want to find a guy that i can actually trust, and depend on. Even if its only for a little while. I want to atleast no that there are some good guys out there. That are worried about more than getting ass and sports.
Maybe im just being naieve, but i want to still be able to believe that love exist.
Me and my mom got into a huge agruement about how money is more important than love. I think love is way more imprtant. Yeah money is good but if you have no one to share it with, then what's the point. Money can't buy happiness. It cant buy real love.
Ill post about my horrible weekend tomorrow night
I don't want to meet my soulmate, or even my prince charming. I just want to meet that one guy that will show me that it is worth it to put myself out there. I want to find a guy that i can actually trust, and depend on. Even if its only for a little while. I want to atleast no that there are some good guys out there. That are worried about more than getting ass and sports.
Maybe im just being naieve, but i want to still be able to believe that love exist.
Me and my mom got into a huge agruement about how money is more important than love. I think love is way more imprtant. Yeah money is good but if you have no one to share it with, then what's the point. Money can't buy happiness. It cant buy real love.
Ill post about my horrible weekend tomorrow night
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Lying ex-boyfriends
So you know that guy, ex-boyfriend, well today he sends me text saying "maybe your right we should prob go our separate ways." I was relieved but i was also kinda shocked he was acting so mature about it. When just last night he was "crying" he wanted me back. Then he dropped the bomb, yeah i have a girlfriend now and i really like her. Even though i didn't like him like that anymore, i was still jealous. I think that's what he wanted though. Then i asked him when did you have time to get a girlfriend? He was like um we've been talking for a while but uh yesterday. I think he wanted a reaction out of me. And he got one. I called him a fucking liar, and that i never i want to talk to him again as along as i lived. He was like why do you care. I care because i love you, and i always will not matter how many horrible things you do to me. I cant believe you would go get a girlfriend, when your trying to hook back up with me. I just don't get it, i thought i was the "love of your life". But I'm over it all now. Your still the same you haven't changed, your still an ass. Once a liar and cheat, always a liar and cheat. And that ended a 1 year long relationship of betrayal, and hurt and love. And I'm okay with that. Its summer, and whatever happens, happens. Bring on the fun and the parties and the hot guys
Ex-boyfriend
I must be a total idiot, but i just had to let this boy back in my life. He cheated on me. ( well he claims it wasn't cheating) but whatever it so was. Then of course i broke up with him, i wasn't gonna tolerate that crap from anybody. Well like Saturday i signed on to Yahoo Messenger, and saw i had a IM from him, me being dumb as hell decided to respond. Why did i do that i just opened a whole big can of worms. Now were already fighting. He claims I'm the "love of his life" i claim that hes crazy. If he loved me so much then why didn't he chase after me? Because he's a liar, and he's just looking for a piece of ass. And baby your not going get any from me, and that's a promise. He keeps asking to be friends but i really don't want to be. What do i do? Ughhh
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Ahhh,
I'M DREABABYY
&
I'm kind of complicated My life is not the wonderful image you see when looking in. Very few people know the real me. Just because everything looks perfect on the outside its not. My life is filled with complicated moments and to much drama and hurt. but laughter is my depression pill. If you know just a little bit, you also know that I'm always smiling and laughing and having a good time. I'm a fun person to hang out with, i love to party, and I'm social drinker, no lie. I'm crazy as hell. I love to sing, act, and dance.
&
I'm kind of complicated My life is not the wonderful image you see when looking in. Very few people know the real me. Just because everything looks perfect on the outside its not. My life is filled with complicated moments and to much drama and hurt. but laughter is my depression pill. If you know just a little bit, you also know that I'm always smiling and laughing and having a good time. I'm a fun person to hang out with, i love to party, and I'm social drinker, no lie. I'm crazy as hell. I love to sing, act, and dance.
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