today was um diffrent,
hung out with my mom all day, it was oddly nice. its been so long since we've done anything just the too of us. I realized how much i missed her. Even though i get mad at her sometimes, i still love her wiht everything i have in me.
We got a manicure and pedicure in the morning. Then we went to Las Palmas for lunch. And we talked, had an actual convo. I told he rhow i'd been feeling about how much she's working. And i how i feel like im raising my sister. And just how i wish i could go party with my friends. And she told me how me she appreciates everything i do, and it just felt good to be able to connect after so long. We bonded over tacos and margaritas. A virgin one for me.
Then we went to the mall, and got me some new clothes. I was in dire need of some. Then we stopped for chinese on the way homee.
be back later
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Well, I posted this on my Myspace page
Yesterday,
I realized I was at point in my life that I didn't want to be. It's mostly my own fault I was there. I let others determine my happiness level, I let things my "friends" do determine how im going to be for the rest of the day. I depend on my "friends" to be there for me, when I need it. I realized yesterday, when I was in my room crying, that I can't do that anymore. People let you down, stab you in the back. It's also usually the people closest to you that are holding the knife. I do thank GOD though that I have person I can fully trust with my back, and she knows who she is, she has been there with me since 6th grade. We've been through so much together its unbelievable. She has been there for me through everything.
She is an example of what a Best Friend is. And I started to realize that I throw that privilege out way too much. Once I consider you my best friend, I would do anything for you, anything. Unless it something really, really wrong then ill tell your dumb ass no. But last night I realized that people have different expectations as to what a best friend is. Because I know if one of my best friends needed to talk for 15 minutes then I would be there. But that's just the type of friend I am.
All I wanted was 15 minutes; I needed a talk from anyone I cared about, or anyone who cared about me. I had to face something I wasn't ready to. the guy who raped me. I ha dto testify. But Tayla was there, she went with me, to face it. I just needed to talk over the phone, but she dropped everything she was doing, came over and just gave me a hug. In that hug was love, from one best friend to another. I needed that. She gave me a pep talk, and we left my house, I was feeling so strong and on top of the world.
Last night, was well not my best moment. And that's an understatement. I considered doing things I hadn't in like a year and a half. That was when I probably hit rock bottom and realized that oh hell no, I can't let others determine my feelings. It was like whoa. A light bulb going off in my head. So from now on, im not going to let the people close to me make me feel bad ever again.
I do what I can, I apologize when I should, and I admit im wrong. That's as much as I can humanly do. If that's not enough oh well, im through being a doormat, and letting shit happen. Im sensitive, I have feelings. I may be a bitch, but im a bitch with feelings. Things others wouldn't care about, I do. My name not being on a list, my picture being moved down, not getting a phone call, or being returned a message. Simple stuff like that. I used to let it hurt me. But not anymore. Im done
Well thanks for reading. I love you.
Drea
I realized I was at point in my life that I didn't want to be. It's mostly my own fault I was there. I let others determine my happiness level, I let things my "friends" do determine how im going to be for the rest of the day. I depend on my "friends" to be there for me, when I need it. I realized yesterday, when I was in my room crying, that I can't do that anymore. People let you down, stab you in the back. It's also usually the people closest to you that are holding the knife. I do thank GOD though that I have person I can fully trust with my back, and she knows who she is, she has been there with me since 6th grade. We've been through so much together its unbelievable. She has been there for me through everything.
She is an example of what a Best Friend is. And I started to realize that I throw that privilege out way too much. Once I consider you my best friend, I would do anything for you, anything. Unless it something really, really wrong then ill tell your dumb ass no. But last night I realized that people have different expectations as to what a best friend is. Because I know if one of my best friends needed to talk for 15 minutes then I would be there. But that's just the type of friend I am.
All I wanted was 15 minutes; I needed a talk from anyone I cared about, or anyone who cared about me. I had to face something I wasn't ready to. the guy who raped me. I ha dto testify. But Tayla was there, she went with me, to face it. I just needed to talk over the phone, but she dropped everything she was doing, came over and just gave me a hug. In that hug was love, from one best friend to another. I needed that. She gave me a pep talk, and we left my house, I was feeling so strong and on top of the world.
Last night, was well not my best moment. And that's an understatement. I considered doing things I hadn't in like a year and a half. That was when I probably hit rock bottom and realized that oh hell no, I can't let others determine my feelings. It was like whoa. A light bulb going off in my head. So from now on, im not going to let the people close to me make me feel bad ever again.
I do what I can, I apologize when I should, and I admit im wrong. That's as much as I can humanly do. If that's not enough oh well, im through being a doormat, and letting shit happen. Im sensitive, I have feelings. I may be a bitch, but im a bitch with feelings. Things others wouldn't care about, I do. My name not being on a list, my picture being moved down, not getting a phone call, or being returned a message. Simple stuff like that. I used to let it hurt me. But not anymore. Im done
Well thanks for reading. I love you.
Drea
Monday, June 18, 2007
weekend remix
And top of all that suckiness
i had to see the guy i loved with all of my heart, with his new girlfriend. That was just the cherry on top of the sundae. You have no idea, how much that hurt. That boy was my everything, i loved him. Like i have never loved anyone as much as i loved him. I gave that boy my virginity. But i ruined it, i lied from the very beginning about something so small. I didnt know our friendship would turn into a romantic relationship. I didnt know that lie would come back and kick me in the ass. I lied about my age. When he asked, i said how old do you think i am? He replied 15? and i agreed with him. But i was 14. My birthday was gonna take place during the summer in july, so he thought it was okay since i'd be turning 16. He was 16 turning 17. He was amazing, he made me feel accepted, when i was the outsider. At the camp i was attending everybody had known each other for years, and here i was the new girl. But he befriended me, and i got alot of rap for it. People just couldnt understand why he would want me, why he liked me. But i knew why, we just clicked from the moment we looked at each other. I knew that was the boy i wanted to be with, the one i wanted in my life. Our relationship was amazing. We had the type of relationship where no words had to be spoken, but we knew exaclty what the other was thinking. But people just couldnt accept that we were happy and in love. They had to ruin it. Well i guess we kinda did, campers, and counselors arent allowed to have outside relationships. Someone told on us, and it was either i leave or he leave. And he needed the job, so i left. While i was gone, so many lies were planted in his head, but he didnt believe any of them, until the age lie came back. He started to piece the parts together and realized i had lied to him. And of course he broke up with me. But unfortunately for me that wasnt the last time we would see each other. I had paid to go on a 8 day trip to chicago and so had he. and guess who's birthday was during that trip? mineee. On the night of my birthday we got to go to this teen club, and i guess to hurt me, he danced with every single girl he knew hated me. And he succeded and hurting me, i cryed for like a good 30 minutes. but then i realized that 2 could play that game. I decided you know what it was my birthday, i was gonna have a great time. So i started partying it up and drinking a bit too much. By the end of the night i had, had way to much to drink and i could barley walk. Guess who was my prince charming. He picked me up and carried me the entire way back to the hotel. Tucked me into my bed, and slept on the chair in my room, to make sure i was okay. He does those kind of wonderful things for me, even after all the pain i caused him. All the hurt i brought to him. The next morning, he told me he forgave me and that he loved me, and that he always would, that he would have dated me even if i was 14 turning 15. That morning i gave him my virginity. It was the most amazing experince i had ever had in my short life. It was something we did in love. But i knew it was a goodbye kind of thing. I knew it was like the end of part of my life, and the beginning od another. The next day we left and came back home. I havent talked to him in about a year, unless you count the occasional myspace message asking him how's he doing or vice versa.So seeing him on sunday night at walmart it just kinda threw me for a loop, but seeing that he wasnt alone, that was the hard part. To have to act that i no longer had any feelings for him was really hard. Those few minutes we caught up, were the longest in my life. But the hug when we parted brought back all those memories, i felt a spark, and i think he did also, because he asked for my number, and said we should get together soon. But it hurt none the less. I just had to share this with someone.
i had to see the guy i loved with all of my heart, with his new girlfriend. That was just the cherry on top of the sundae. You have no idea, how much that hurt. That boy was my everything, i loved him. Like i have never loved anyone as much as i loved him. I gave that boy my virginity. But i ruined it, i lied from the very beginning about something so small. I didnt know our friendship would turn into a romantic relationship. I didnt know that lie would come back and kick me in the ass. I lied about my age. When he asked, i said how old do you think i am? He replied 15? and i agreed with him. But i was 14. My birthday was gonna take place during the summer in july, so he thought it was okay since i'd be turning 16. He was 16 turning 17. He was amazing, he made me feel accepted, when i was the outsider. At the camp i was attending everybody had known each other for years, and here i was the new girl. But he befriended me, and i got alot of rap for it. People just couldnt understand why he would want me, why he liked me. But i knew why, we just clicked from the moment we looked at each other. I knew that was the boy i wanted to be with, the one i wanted in my life. Our relationship was amazing. We had the type of relationship where no words had to be spoken, but we knew exaclty what the other was thinking. But people just couldnt accept that we were happy and in love. They had to ruin it. Well i guess we kinda did, campers, and counselors arent allowed to have outside relationships. Someone told on us, and it was either i leave or he leave. And he needed the job, so i left. While i was gone, so many lies were planted in his head, but he didnt believe any of them, until the age lie came back. He started to piece the parts together and realized i had lied to him. And of course he broke up with me. But unfortunately for me that wasnt the last time we would see each other. I had paid to go on a 8 day trip to chicago and so had he. and guess who's birthday was during that trip? mineee. On the night of my birthday we got to go to this teen club, and i guess to hurt me, he danced with every single girl he knew hated me. And he succeded and hurting me, i cryed for like a good 30 minutes. but then i realized that 2 could play that game. I decided you know what it was my birthday, i was gonna have a great time. So i started partying it up and drinking a bit too much. By the end of the night i had, had way to much to drink and i could barley walk. Guess who was my prince charming. He picked me up and carried me the entire way back to the hotel. Tucked me into my bed, and slept on the chair in my room, to make sure i was okay. He does those kind of wonderful things for me, even after all the pain i caused him. All the hurt i brought to him. The next morning, he told me he forgave me and that he loved me, and that he always would, that he would have dated me even if i was 14 turning 15. That morning i gave him my virginity. It was the most amazing experince i had ever had in my short life. It was something we did in love. But i knew it was a goodbye kind of thing. I knew it was like the end of part of my life, and the beginning od another. The next day we left and came back home. I havent talked to him in about a year, unless you count the occasional myspace message asking him how's he doing or vice versa.So seeing him on sunday night at walmart it just kinda threw me for a loop, but seeing that he wasnt alone, that was the hard part. To have to act that i no longer had any feelings for him was really hard. Those few minutes we caught up, were the longest in my life. But the hug when we parted brought back all those memories, i felt a spark, and i think he did also, because he asked for my number, and said we should get together soon. But it hurt none the less. I just had to share this with someone.
Hope your weekend was better than mine
This weekend totally sucked. Lemme start from the beginning.
Friday night i had plans with one of my best friends Kathy. I really needed to be with a good friend, plus i totally missed her. I got to her house around 11:30, I was supposed to get there at 8:30, but my mom was in one of her bitchy moods, and she decided we were going to stop by Wal-Mart for like 2 freaking hours.
By the time i got to Kathy's we couldn't even do anything. We had planned on getting all dressed up and just taking pictures, and then having a total girls night, facial mask, nails, hair and all. With movies and pizza, and chocolate. But we still had an amazing time. We ate like a whole thing of whip cream, and made brownies and cinnamon rolls, and i ate like a pint of cookies and cream. I stayed up until like 4:30 in the morning, but i just couldn't keep my eyes closed, i snuck into Kathy's room and fell asleep. Hahaha, I'm such a bad friend, i just left her in the living room, but it was so funny, to talk about in the morning. My mom came and picked me up at like 7:30 Saturday morning little did i know that would be the last time i actually had a good time this weekend.'
My mom and sister were total bitches. I didn't even get to see my dad on Father's day, i didn't get to see my older step-sister because my mom wouldn't answer her phone so i could ask. So for the rest of the weekend I couldn't do a damn thing.
be back on later with the reason why my weekend really sucked
Friday night i had plans with one of my best friends Kathy. I really needed to be with a good friend, plus i totally missed her. I got to her house around 11:30, I was supposed to get there at 8:30, but my mom was in one of her bitchy moods, and she decided we were going to stop by Wal-Mart for like 2 freaking hours.
By the time i got to Kathy's we couldn't even do anything. We had planned on getting all dressed up and just taking pictures, and then having a total girls night, facial mask, nails, hair and all. With movies and pizza, and chocolate. But we still had an amazing time. We ate like a whole thing of whip cream, and made brownies and cinnamon rolls, and i ate like a pint of cookies and cream. I stayed up until like 4:30 in the morning, but i just couldn't keep my eyes closed, i snuck into Kathy's room and fell asleep. Hahaha, I'm such a bad friend, i just left her in the living room, but it was so funny, to talk about in the morning. My mom came and picked me up at like 7:30 Saturday morning little did i know that would be the last time i actually had a good time this weekend.'
My mom and sister were total bitches. I didn't even get to see my dad on Father's day, i didn't get to see my older step-sister because my mom wouldn't answer her phone so i could ask. So for the rest of the weekend I couldn't do a damn thing.
be back on later with the reason why my weekend really sucked
Sunday, June 17, 2007
To Every Girl
To every girl that has been CHEATED on, because she's NOT a SLUT who gives it up to any guy.
To every girl that dresses CUTE not SKANKY.
To every girl who wants to be called BEAUTIFUL ...not HOT
To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for YOU.
To every girl who gets her heart BROKEN, because he chose that stupid BITCH instead.
To every girl that would DIE to have a DECENT boyfriend.
To every girl who would JUST ONCE like to be treated like a PRINCESS!!
To every girl that cries at night because of another HEARTBREAK
To every girl that won't get down on her knees && open her mouth just to get a BOYFRIEND
To every girl that just wants to HOLD HANDS
To every girl that kisses him with meaning.
To every girl who just wishes he CARED MORE
To every girl who would JUST ONCE want a guy to give their JACKET UP when they are cold.
To every girl who just wants him to call.
To every girl who lies awake at night THINKING about HIM
To every girl that just wants to cuddle.
To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without HAVING SEX
TO EVERY GIRL WHO SHOWS HOW MUCH SHE CARES AND GETS NOTHING BACK..
To every girl that thought "maybe this one could be the one."
To every girl who made a mistake and lies awake at night praying to god he will take-her-back.
To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually >>doesn't<< think it is funny.
To every girl who is just looking for that one and only. and is having a rough time along the way.
To every girl that DOESN'T WANT a guy who JUST PLAYS WITH HER EMOTIONS but actually cares about how she feels.
To every girl who wants words backed up with actions.
To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.
To every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face.
To every girl that has faith that "tomorrow will be a better day." And it will be.
*If you are a nice girl repost this as: "To every girl."
*If you are a guy that thinks every girl should try to think about even a few of these things repost it as "I'm looking for this girl" or if u have this girl repost this as "I have this girl
To every girl that dresses CUTE not SKANKY.
To every girl who wants to be called BEAUTIFUL ...not HOT
To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for YOU.
To every girl who gets her heart BROKEN, because he chose that stupid BITCH instead.
To every girl that would DIE to have a DECENT boyfriend.
To every girl who would JUST ONCE like to be treated like a PRINCESS!!
To every girl that cries at night because of another HEARTBREAK
To every girl that won't get down on her knees && open her mouth just to get a BOYFRIEND
To every girl that just wants to HOLD HANDS
To every girl that kisses him with meaning.
To every girl who just wishes he CARED MORE
To every girl who would JUST ONCE want a guy to give their JACKET UP when they are cold.
To every girl who just wants him to call.
To every girl who lies awake at night THINKING about HIM
To every girl that just wants to cuddle.
To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without HAVING SEX
TO EVERY GIRL WHO SHOWS HOW MUCH SHE CARES AND GETS NOTHING BACK..
To every girl that thought "maybe this one could be the one."
To every girl who made a mistake and lies awake at night praying to god he will take-her-back.
To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually >>doesn't<< think it is funny.
To every girl who is just looking for that one and only. and is having a rough time along the way.
To every girl that DOESN'T WANT a guy who JUST PLAYS WITH HER EMOTIONS but actually cares about how she feels.
To every girl who wants words backed up with actions.
To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.
To every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face.
To every girl that has faith that "tomorrow will be a better day." And it will be.
*If you are a nice girl repost this as: "To every girl."
*If you are a guy that thinks every girl should try to think about even a few of these things repost it as "I'm looking for this girl" or if u have this girl repost this as "I have this girl
this weekend sucked
dont feel like typing right now, be back on later.
ice cream is sounding really good
ice cream is sounding really good
Saturday, June 16, 2007
When i am i gonna meet that one guy, that'll give me hope
that not all guys are dogs.
I don't want to meet my soulmate, or even my prince charming. I just want to meet that one guy that will show me that it is worth it to put myself out there. I want to find a guy that i can actually trust, and depend on. Even if its only for a little while. I want to atleast no that there are some good guys out there. That are worried about more than getting ass and sports.
Maybe im just being naieve, but i want to still be able to believe that love exist.
Me and my mom got into a huge agruement about how money is more important than love. I think love is way more imprtant. Yeah money is good but if you have no one to share it with, then what's the point. Money can't buy happiness. It cant buy real love.
Ill post about my horrible weekend tomorrow night
I don't want to meet my soulmate, or even my prince charming. I just want to meet that one guy that will show me that it is worth it to put myself out there. I want to find a guy that i can actually trust, and depend on. Even if its only for a little while. I want to atleast no that there are some good guys out there. That are worried about more than getting ass and sports.
Maybe im just being naieve, but i want to still be able to believe that love exist.
Me and my mom got into a huge agruement about how money is more important than love. I think love is way more imprtant. Yeah money is good but if you have no one to share it with, then what's the point. Money can't buy happiness. It cant buy real love.
Ill post about my horrible weekend tomorrow night
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Lying ex-boyfriends
So you know that guy, ex-boyfriend, well today he sends me text saying "maybe your right we should prob go our separate ways." I was relieved but i was also kinda shocked he was acting so mature about it. When just last night he was "crying" he wanted me back. Then he dropped the bomb, yeah i have a girlfriend now and i really like her. Even though i didn't like him like that anymore, i was still jealous. I think that's what he wanted though. Then i asked him when did you have time to get a girlfriend? He was like um we've been talking for a while but uh yesterday. I think he wanted a reaction out of me. And he got one. I called him a fucking liar, and that i never i want to talk to him again as along as i lived. He was like why do you care. I care because i love you, and i always will not matter how many horrible things you do to me. I cant believe you would go get a girlfriend, when your trying to hook back up with me. I just don't get it, i thought i was the "love of your life". But I'm over it all now. Your still the same you haven't changed, your still an ass. Once a liar and cheat, always a liar and cheat. And that ended a 1 year long relationship of betrayal, and hurt and love. And I'm okay with that. Its summer, and whatever happens, happens. Bring on the fun and the parties and the hot guys
Ex-boyfriend
I must be a total idiot, but i just had to let this boy back in my life. He cheated on me. ( well he claims it wasn't cheating) but whatever it so was. Then of course i broke up with him, i wasn't gonna tolerate that crap from anybody. Well like Saturday i signed on to Yahoo Messenger, and saw i had a IM from him, me being dumb as hell decided to respond. Why did i do that i just opened a whole big can of worms. Now were already fighting. He claims I'm the "love of his life" i claim that hes crazy. If he loved me so much then why didn't he chase after me? Because he's a liar, and he's just looking for a piece of ass. And baby your not going get any from me, and that's a promise. He keeps asking to be friends but i really don't want to be. What do i do? Ughhh
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Ahhh,
I'M DREABABYY
&
I'm kind of complicated My life is not the wonderful image you see when looking in. Very few people know the real me. Just because everything looks perfect on the outside its not. My life is filled with complicated moments and to much drama and hurt. but laughter is my depression pill. If you know just a little bit, you also know that I'm always smiling and laughing and having a good time. I'm a fun person to hang out with, i love to party, and I'm social drinker, no lie. I'm crazy as hell. I love to sing, act, and dance.
&
I'm kind of complicated My life is not the wonderful image you see when looking in. Very few people know the real me. Just because everything looks perfect on the outside its not. My life is filled with complicated moments and to much drama and hurt. but laughter is my depression pill. If you know just a little bit, you also know that I'm always smiling and laughing and having a good time. I'm a fun person to hang out with, i love to party, and I'm social drinker, no lie. I'm crazy as hell. I love to sing, act, and dance.
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